3 reasons why Lady Gaga’s “telephone” video sucks

I like Lady Gaga. She’s eccentric and unique – both good in my books. Her music is catchy, even though it’s not my style. But nevertheless, she is a good performer. But this “Telelphone” video featuring Beyonce is just plain stupid. Here, check it out:



Wow... is all I can say about this 9 minute video. Well, I can say a few more things, but nothing nice. So rather than sit here and pretend to ‘get it’ I decided to say it’s brutal, for 3 reasons:

1. Pretentious art

I like unique, artistic videos and I think I can decipher good videos from useless ones (I have a degree in film). But the one thing I will not stand for is pretentious art videos. Basically, what I mean to say is “don’t make weird videos for the sake of making weird videos.” I’ve watched this video a few times now and still can’t figure out what Gaga is trying to say.

Mixing elaborate costumes and outlandish prison skits is not art; it’s just weird. Gaga’s costumes don’t stand for anything other than standing for insanity. The cigarette glasses mean what?! Do they speak to the inner jailhouse norm of smoking on one’s free time? Do they signify that Gaga has something the others desire? Or do they just present a crazy spectacle? I think the latter. But in that case, crazy for the sake of crazy is useless. Crazy for crazy’s sake is done, tired and really just comes across as pretentious art. You don’t fool us Gaga.

2. Too long

After 9 minutes of craziness, with no clear plot/vision, I feel shafted. This video was a twitter trending topics for almost 3 days and still, I don’t know why?! It was way too long, it was redundant and it robbed me of 9 minutes of free time. Not to mention that the constant breaks in the song made it impossible to listen to.

I like long videos, but when it’s 9 minutes of ‘hypno-crazed’ Gaga, I think I’d rather pass. Hypno Gaga has been done, face it, in all of her videos, she’s flailing her arms, clenching her hands and accomplishing nothing. What is the point? There is no point. Yet, people will still argue she is revolutionary and hugely inspirational... but why? Anyone can do 9 minutes of craziness.

3. If you’re not Tarantino, don’t try to be

Quentin Tarantino is an auteur, he’s eccentric and his films are thought-provoking. His films are his; nobody else’s. So then why would Gaga duplicate his decor and style when clearly, he’s already done it?! “Telephone” is not a Tarantino film and therefore, shouldn’t try to be. If you can’t make a Tarantino quality film, then don’t try because all of your feeble attempts will just be seen as second rate. And this video in this case, is third rate.

It’s like in hockey, nobody would dare to ever wear #99 again after Gretzky retired. His number was his, he owns it. Anyone else trying to wear #99 could never live up to Gretzky standards, which is why nobody wears it.



Fine, copy Tarantino, but leave the “Pussy-Wagon” where it belongs; in Kill Bill.

Agree, disagree? Let me know... I want to like this video but for now, have no reason to.

And hey, if you do like the video and disagree with everything I said just remember that this is my take on it.